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I Promised Fungus, You Get Fungus

The topic on fungus almost got sidetracked again because of something scary that happened with Bob last night. But since I promised you fungus, fungus you'll get.

Back in 2021, Bob had this thing on his stomach. When he exerted to sit up, it rose out of his musculature and looked like what can only be described as an alien trying to burst out. You know what I'm talking about, right? That scene from Alien, the movie, where the alien has "seeded" a baby alien inside one of the astronauts on a space station. Queue the horror. Queue the screams. The guy in distress, struggling for his life, is laid out on a gurney. His stomach roils from within--which to me looks like a galactic case of gastroenteritis. Finally, his gut distends to a ridiculous level, bursts open and a mini-alien jumps out and wriggles its slimy disgusting self into the space station and shocking the medical crew who jump back, shocked and in fear for their own lives. And why not? What the hell? Right? And please don't judge me on my choice of movies back in the 70's. It's not entirely my fault. It's my exes fault too. He and his brother loved these movies. So, I'm blaming him. Hi, Den.

So, when I call for an appointment, I say to the nurse, this "thing on Bob's stomach looks like the alien about to burst out." I swear it did. I watched for it to happen. And, now that I think about it, wouldn't that be something to write about? But I digress.

However, before going to the doc to check out Bob's baby alien, I gave Bob a shower and I notice inside his underarms, there are these swollen red patches that have popped up. At this point, I'm all in on believing in extraterrestrial life because, well, first the alien in his stomach and now this Martian life living in his right armpit.

But let me back up. This also occurred at a time when Bob's nose was uncontrollable with snot running out, down his neck, onto his chest, and pooling under his right arm.

He tends to lean to the right in bed. I hadn't yet started suctioning out his nose back then so the snot was getting the better of him and me. You can read more about it and how I mitigated several snot issues in this post, Snot Nose Wingate Kid.

The doc, a gastro-surgeon, walks in, introduces himself and says, "So, let's see this alien." Right away, Bob and I felt relieved and giggled. He laid Bob flat on the examination table and asked him to try to get up and, boom, there it was! The alien tried to escape. This time, right in front of an expert.

"Okay," he says. "Yeah, that's nothing to worry about. It's a partial hernia, where the fascia tissue hasn't split. Yet. And it shouldn't if you don't do any heavy lifting." Of course, Bob's days of lifting heavy things had long since past. "Anything else?" he says.

"Well, yes," I say. And I lift up Bob's shirt to his underarm and say, "Do you know what this is?"

The doc laughed and said. "Fungus. Children get it when they're babies."

Of course, since I never had kids...

"All you need to do," he says, "is keep it clean and dry and put on a little antifungal cream."

Talk about relief. Only fungus. After thinking Bob had two cases of extraterrestrial life invading him? Phew-weeeee!

What we do now, is after every shower, I lay Bob flat on the bed and check all the places fungus can occur on someone who is bedridden. I check his underarms, the crease in his belly, and his crotch. Those places tend to get sweaty and stay sweaty. But instead of antifungal cream, I use antifungal powder. I shake out a bunch into these areas and so far, it works. Like a dream, as Dad used to say.

I use Desenex but there are tons of options. Just search the internet for antifungal powder and you will find a host of choices.

I hope this helps someone else who may have this issue or who is struggling to keep it at bay. And I normally insert a little Jesus into my posts and thought this might be the perfect scripture for today's fungus post...

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces [a]patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be [b]perfect and complete, lacking nothing. ~The Book of James

Until Friday...

God bless you all.

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