Once, Bob and I went to the doctor for a weird thing. We went to a stomach surgeon. And, although he was a stomach surgeon, I felt I could comfortably speak to him about anything stomach related.
Bob had developed this weird growth in his stomach that was visible when he either sat up or if he at all strained from using his abdomen. "Honey, it's the alien," I said when I first noticed the protrusion.
As well, he had inordinate recurrences of fecal incontinence. Sorry. It happens often with dementia patients. Either way, I thought maybe they were related.
I'm not sure exactly what year it was but Bob was still speaking a little so, maybe it was between 2019 to the summer of Covid. Bob wasn't driving so it makes me think it was after I took the keys to his Porsche away in 2019. It doesn't really matter. I'm figuring this out more for me.
Anyway, my plan was not to alert Bob that I was going to bring up the incontinence but to broach the subject as a secondary discussion to the alien now living in his stomach.
The doc said, "Let me see this alien you told us about."
When Bob got up onto the exam table, the doc told him to try to sit up. When he did, out popped the alien.
"Is it a hernia?" I asked. I often spoke for Bob in the beginning stages of his aphasia because, around other people, Bob would clam up unable to get his words out.
"Oh, yes," the doc says. "No, that's not an alien. I can assure you that. It's just a wannabe hernia. The muscle hasn't yet completely broken through the abdominal fascia wall."
Here's the info about the abdominal fascia wall:
The fascia of the stomach, or abdominal fascia, is a sheet of connective tissue that surrounds and stabilizes the muscles and organs in the abdominal region. The fascia is made up of several layers, including:
Investing abdominal fascia: Surrounds the muscles of the abdominal wall
Endoabdominal fascia: Lines the abdominal cavity and is located above the parietal peritoneum
Transversalis fascia: A firm layer that lines the deep surface of the deepest muscular layer of the abdominal wall
Superficial fascia: A thin layer above the umbilicus that is divided into two layers below the umbilicus
Camper's fascia: A fatty superficial layer below the umbilicus
Scarpa's fascia: A deep layer below the umbilicus
Learn it. 'Cause there will be a test later. And, no. I don't remember which type of fascia he referred to. All I know is that the alien encompassed the sternum to the umbilicus.
The doc said, "Nothing to worry about unless you plan on lifting heavy objects, then you have a problem." To which, I assured him Bob would do no heavy lifting in the near future.
Then I asked about the other thing. I felt terrible outing him about incontinence. It felt so invasive and so incredibly embarrassing for Bob.
"So, we have something else too we're a little concerned with." I glanced over at Bob who we had since helped off the examination table and was now sitting next to me. "He's having issues with incontinence of the gut. I'm wondering if there is anything we can do to slow instances down."
He gave me a list of natural and other over-the-counter products to try. Like I said before, I felt terrible asking.
When we were back in the car on our way home, Bob spoke to me.
"I want to say thank you."
"Oh, honey, you're welcome," I say, oblivious to what his reason was to thank me. "Aren't you relieved that you don't have to have another hernia surgery?"
"I mean," he says. "Thank you for not telling him about my squaring up."
I nearly choked.
You see, after the aphasia diagnosis, he began doing (and still does) this weird thing where he squares up his feet at square points on the floor, be those points the corner of a rug or of tile.
I started to laugh. "Oh, yes," I say, my words rife with sarcasm. "That would have been much more embarrassing than the incontinence issue, right?"
He hadn't cared a lick about the incontinence.
Please! For the love of Mike, don't say a thing about my squaring up!
I still laugh about it. It's one of the dearest memories I have through Bob's whole ordeal. It also showed me some of what was important to him and what was not. He once had an accident in public. I asked him, "I hope you aren't upset or embarrassed?"
He said, "No." Said it as if I was an idiot to ask. He even sort of laughed at me.
Dementia's brain eraser must wipe our inhibitions clean. Well, I guess, all except for the squaring up.
If you’ve experienced [shame, embarrassment], take comfort in the fact that Jesus felt them too. He took those emotions upon Himself as part of His sacrificial work on the Cross so that you and I could be set free. We don’t have to be encumbered with feelings of shame for the rest of our lives. He literally took our shame so we could be free from it! (Renner.org)
God bless you all.
Here's info about my upcoming writing workshop.
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