Proper Use of a Spoon for Heaven

Twenty-two years ago, way back when Bob and I were first dating, we went out to dinner. We both ordered whatever we ordered. Me, probably chicken marsala and he probably ordered the Pasta from Hell. It used to be called something different back then but works perfectly into this post. Like an antithesis of the content.

Anyway, Bob hadn't tried their marsala and I hadn't tried this particular pasta dish.

"May I have some?" he asked.

"Of course," I said, and shoved my plate forward.

He looked at me. Just this look like, well, one I really couldn't read.

Then, he said, "You know there's this saying. Hell is when you get there and you're only allowed to eat using these really long spoons, too long to get into your mouth. And you're not allowed to slide your hand up to the neck of the spoon to use it."

"Yeah," I said, not really knowing where this was going.

"Now, heaven," he said, "heaven is when you get to hell but you have a friend there with you who will feed you."

The light shone down on my head like a Jesus ray through the clouds.

I picked up my fork, cut a piece of my marsala, reached the fork across our table. He opened his mouth and I fed him.

I think about what he told me a lot these days.

When Mom was sick and living here, it became apparent that she wasn't finishing her food.

"I think you're going to need to start feeding her," Bob said to me. It was at his urging that I did.

I think about that a lot too.

I think of how important Bob has been in my growth as a human being, as a humane human being.

I think about things just like that--when Bob has helped me see something important I wasn't seeing--several times a day. These thoughts flutter up when I am helping him. Whether that means giving him sips of water or when I feed him. When I shower him. It doesn't matter when but I think about his wisdom often.

I think about how he taught me about what hell could be like if you only have someone there beside you. And how heaven can happen in hell sometimes. Or maybe that's just an earth thing because, I think, we all think this place is hell at one time or another.

Bob has taught me many things in a way that only a sage might teach a student.

One thing I've learned for certain from him is that I will never be the person he hopes I will be. Never. It's an ongoing process. It often seems like two steps back for every step forward.

But he has taught me one thing: how to try to be a better person. That too is an ongoing process.

Now Jesus called His disciples to Himself and said, “I have compassion on the multitude, because they have now continued with Me three days and have nothing to eat. And I do not want to send them away hungry, lest they faint on the way.” ~Matthew 15:32

God bless you all.

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