Thinking Outside the Cat Box

Or, how not to get consumed by a poopy attitude. OR! Turn that crap-attitude into a stellar attitude!10 steps to follow so you, too, can avoid falling into the rut of your constipating bad attitude.

  1. Eat plenty of beans--like twenty-seven to sixty-three bowls a day--because they have a bunch of vitamin C, protein and fiber,
  2. Take your dog for a walk no fewer than 3 times a week,
  3. If you don't have a dog and you only have a bird, take your bird for a walk--they make teentsy-weentsy little birdie halters so that Tweety won't fly away (mostly because he hates taking walks in his teentsy-weentsy little birdie halter),
  4. If you don't have a dog or a bird and only have a cat, kitty will not go with you for a walk because kitty hates wearing the little kitty halter and really only likes to bring in the occasional rat entrails to leave them on your clean marble kitchen counter just to see your expression,
  5. If you can't stomach eating more than a bowl or two of beans each day you'll have to think of other ways to get your vitamin C, protein and fiber, for instance...
  6. I hear there's gobs of vitamin C, protein and fiber in amaranth leaves, bok choy, brussel sprouts and even French beans (they're loaded with nutrients and they're French!),
  7. And, whatever you do PLEASE try to stay away from beef & pork. I hear it causes a bunch of acid in the stomach and cows and pigs hate it when they get eaten--just so you know,
  8. Squats! Squats help! And create motility and it's always good to have motility in your colon,
  9. Look up "motility", and finally to keep from having that hideous poopy attitude...
  10. SMILE! It takes 43 muscles to frown but only 17 muscles to smile, thereby causing fewer wrinkles!

Number 10 alone offers a better reason for turning your poopy attitude into a stellar one, more than any of the other nine items listed, for sure.So, you're probably wondering which of these 10 steps I follow, right? Well, I follow numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7 (I'm lying--please don't tell Pastor Joe), 8 and 10. Sometimes. Most times. Well, when I think about them anyway. That counts. Wouldn't you agree? 'Cause normally, I'm NOT thinking about cat boxes--they're disgusting--or the attitude that goes along with cleaning cat boxes because I'm usually writing or reading or something other than thinking about a bad attitude, especially the bad attitude that goes along with cleaning cat boxes. Plus, I meditate. I read the Bible--like, WAY too much--I'm trying to make my case for being allowed into Heaven. I go to Bible study twice a week, a leadership class once a week, church on Sundays and to the grocery store, the feed store and the pet food supplier at least once per week but they don't have Bibles there, I just thought I'd mention those places because my husband says I don't get out much but I beg to differ. I think I get out way more than I should considering my propensity to talk in streams of consciousness and knowing that nobody really likes to talk to people who refuse to breathe while conversing. I hate those people.Oops. I have to go. Robert (our Westie) just whacked Rocky (our Cocker) with his 2-foot-long nubby squeaky toy. Now Rocky has a bad attitude and I need to read him the above 10 steps for a better attitude.NOTE: #11, if there were ever to be a #11 on this list of 10 steps would most definitely be: remember to DANCE! Dance like you're falling off a cliff-crazy. It's fun. You should try it. Dancing, that is. Not falling off a cliff. That can kill you and make you look real stupid in the process.